HEARING GOD’S HEART ABOUT FLARED TEMPERS
Well, it’s summertime, school is out, and the kids and/or grandkids are probably more underfoot at home. How fun! But we all know this also means that things are most likely getting a bit noisier and spicier around the house, right? Okay, maybe a lot more. From testy fussing to feisty arguments, disagreements of all types can sometimes get out of hand, and tempers can flare. So, how can we navigate these normal life blowups?
As I think back to when Lindy and I were raising our three sons, and as we now watch them and their lovely wives raising our grandkids, we get to watch them do many of the things we tried to do back in the day. Like this.
When our little guys had their flare-ups, it was like two superballs bouncing off each other and ricocheting everywhere. So, first we calmed them down enough to share that word picture with them (the distraction or re-direction principle at work). “Okay, guys. You know those superballs we were playing with the other day? What if they were bouncing off each other in a glass house?!!? What would happen?” Answer: “Break a lot of glass?” “Right! Well, that’s what you guys are doing to each other’s hearts right now.”
Next, we’d ask them to think about what would happen if one of them decided to let their hearts and actions become more like a wall by not fighting back, and just let the other one do the bouncing. Answer: “Half the bouncing?” “Right again. Getting better.”
Then we’d have a little fun and ask them to think about what would happen if one of them decided to let their heart and actions soften into a glob of Jello—any flavor they like! Answer: “No bounce!” “Yup. Even a super-ball can’t bounce off Jello!”
Finally, we’d challenge them by saying something like: “Hey, why don’t you both be Jello-hearted!? What flavor do you want to be?” This usually helped them settle down to be able to settle the dispute in a softer way. Why? The Proverbs puts it this way: “A soft answer turns away wrath.”
In short, to be “Jello-hearted” is to simply be patient, kind, humble, and soft. Life is not really a matter of winning and losing. Nor is it about fighting to get your way at any cost. It’s about loving and serving each other. It’s about learning that people and hearts are far more important than power and things.
Speaking of which, sometimes when our boys started to fight over a toy or something, we had another component to add to the Jello-heart principle. We’d casually walk in with a Jello-heart and calmly ask what they were fighting about. If it was a toy, we’d just softly say: “Okay, well why don’t we give you guys a couple of minutes to think of a way to share it, and if you can’t, we’ll just throw it in the trash? Because brothers are much more important than things, right?”
Ten seconds later, they usually had a solution. This top priority principle, done softly and regularly, can work wonders.
Now here’s a bonus. If you do this type of thing regularly, the role modelling principle will also kick in as they reflexively remember to be Jello-hearted just like you. Of course, that works with negative role modelling as well.
Lindy and I were about to enter a store one day when a mom was storming out, screaming at her young teen: “I can’t believe how rude you were in there, you little #*#*#*!! Who do you think you are!!?!! Get in the freaking car!! I can’t see how in the world you got to be this way!!!” (Uh, we do).
So, why not put a box or two of Jello around the house to remind each other that softer is better, and sharing is sweeter. Not only that, but being the first one to switch to a Jello-heart response in a feud makes God smile– and most others as well. Sweeeet!
